Saturday, March 14, 2020

14 Relationship Lessons I Learned from 'Terrace House: Boys and Girls in the City'

I'm a bit late to the party; but now that I've started watching 'Terrace House', I can't stop. There have been two people in my life who kept pushing me to watch it, but I never did... until someone talked about it so passionately one night that I finally gave in. Lo and behold! I finished watching 'Boys and Girls in the City' in just two days... and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

It's actually really interesting because despite having grown up all around the world, I never really noticed how differently different cultures approach dating, friendships, and relationships. This only became evident to me after watching this season of 'Terrace House' and seeing a different culture deal with it from an outsider's perspective.


To be honest, there is a lot to be taken away from 'Terrace House', but here are some of key takeaways everyone should consider:


14 Relationship Lessons I Learned from 'Terrace House: Boys and Girls in the City'


It's okay to date multiple people at the same time as long as you're open about it.



In Episode 5, Uchi asks out all of the girls in the house on dates and none of the girls get offended by it. Let's face it: if that had happened here in the Philippines, he would have automatically been labeled as a fuckboy. In the show, although they may have thought it was weird, everyone understood that he wanted to get to know all of the girls better - and what better way to do that than by going on a date with each of them?

This made so much sense to me and I never understood why people are usually painted in a bad light for dating several people at the same time (hey, Archie Andrews!) Honestly, it's only a problem if you hide the fact that you are; but if you're open about your dating situation, then there really shouldn't be any problem.

Some plans won't push through, and that's okay.



Uchi planned to take Yuriko to an aquarium for their date, but it was closed. And you know what he did? Although he was bummed about it, he didn't mope or complain or bitch about it all night. Instead, he took her out someplace else and they had a good time anyway. Take notes, guys. Take notes.

If it is beyond your control and you did everything in your power to make it happen but it still didn't, that is completely okay. Stop beating yourself up about it and don't ruin the rest of the night. Move on (quickly!) and make the most of what you can.



Don't talk about your friends behind your back.



I'm looking at you, Makoto. When a friend tells you something in confidence, keep that shit to yourself. I can't even count how many times Makoto told someone something that someone else told him in confidence. This is why people have trust issues, man. They might not spell it out for you every time, but that sort of thing should really be a given.

In fact, unless it's your best friend or your sole confidante, don't meddle in other people's business, no matter what you see, hear, or read. If you absolutely feel the need to meddle, talk to the actual person involved. Basics.

When you realize you don't like someone, tell them straight up.


A lot of people that I know beat around the bush when they realize they don't like a person in that way. They still reply to them. They still entertain them. They still accept their gifts. Sometimes, they do this because they like the attention. Other times, they do it because they don't know how to end it. Sometimes, they're just bored and want to keep someone interested until someone better comes along. This leaves the other party holding out hope for absolutely nothing. And that is completely unfair.

If you realize that you don't like someone, whether that's even before you go on a first date or if it's on the fifth date or even on the tenth date; man up and tell them straight up. Don't waste their time. And don't waste yours. Minori told Makoto she was no longer interested after she realized that he still liked her (he gave her running shoes). If you don't have any intentions of seeing it through, be fair to other people. And man, don't be a lil pussy bitch and ghost them. Grow some balls.



Exes are exes for a reason.



Do. Not. Try. To. Get. Back. Together. With. Them. I am looking at you, Yuriko.

There's nothing wrong with admitting how you feel early on.


This happens a lot in 'Terrace House'. A lot of the members decide that they like someone early on - and they tell them early on, as well. After all, why shouldn't they? Life's too short to beat around the bush. And when they admit their feelings and the other person doesn't feel the same way, it's completely fine. At least they know and they can move on. Simple.

On the other hand, if the other person ends up being interested,  too, then at least they know they're on the same wavelength and can decide where to go from there. Just because you both like each other doesn't necessarily mean you'll be dating exclusively right away. But at least you'll know where you stand and you'll know that there are intentions there. That there's potential. And when you're ready to take things further, don't be afraid to drop loud hints - via omurice or other ways. No fucking mind games.


Don't lead people on.


On that note, don't lead people on. As mentioned earlier, tell people how you feel straight up. Don't keep going on dates with them, especially if you already know that they're interested in you. And for God's sake, don't hold their hand and hug them and prepare lunch for them and basically give them false signals. ARMAN DESERVED BETTER THAN THAT, ARISA.

Always talk about your problems.


And this pertains to both friendships and romantic relationships. One of the things I absolutely love about 'Terrace House' is how they don't just whisper behind each other's backs and leave issues to rot. They really put their issues out there and confront them head-on.

When Minori and Uchi were having problems communicating, they talked about it and figured things out. When there were issues between Minori and Nacchan, there was a whole house meeting to discuss it. And let's not forget the whole meat issue! LOL. Communication, kids. It's important. Understanding and forgiveness, too.


Effort goes a long way.


Another thing that I love about 'Terrace House' is how much effort people put into things to show others that they care. Be it a birthday party, where everyone is present; or making special Valentine's cookies; or making farewell gifts; or cooking and preparing lunch for a date out; it's admirable how they put effort into making people feel loved and thought about. They even take time off to help each other out at work.

Age is just a number.


People here in the Philippines seem to care about age a lot. I know a lot of people who judge other people by their age because they seem to think that a person's age reflects their level of maturity. This is definitely not the case as seen in 'Terrace House'.

Despite only being 18 when this season came out, Hikaru proved that he is much more mature than his age, listening to people's advice and apologizing when he needs to.


Respect your relationships.


I have come to find that a lot of my guy friends here in Manila use the excuse "wala naman siya dito" to flirt with other women. The 'Terrace House' people aren't like that. In fact, Han-san even cancelled a fishing trip just because he had once told his girlfriend that he would take her fishing. He took her feelings into consideration despite her not being there and also made sure that he wouldn't be leading any girls on in the process.

Stay true to yourself.


How many times have you pretended to be someone you're not just to impress someone you liked? That seems to be an ongoing trend with some people that I know. The things is: how can you find the perfect person for you if you keep changing your personality to make others happy?

Don't have the same relationship views as someone you're dating? Don't force yourself onto someone who doesn't have the same values as you. It's better to find things out and tell them early on than to keep dating them and wasting both of your time.


Give people a chance sometimes.


LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING. Even if you might not be attracted to how a person looks, it wouldn't hurt to go out with them and test the waters to see if there is something beneath the surface. If Martha hadn't gone out with Arman despite being more attracted to Hayato, they never wouldn't have ended up in a relationship together. (They were in a long distance relationship for quite a while even after the show aired.)

And lastly.....

Don't try to lie or hide things from your friends.


They. Will. Always. Find. Out. :p

Are you a 'Terrace House' fan, too? Who's your favorite house member so far and which season is your favorite? Let's geek out together!!!

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